The experience of Relational Trauma can give rise to any number of adaptive behaviours. Because of our genius when we are young (don’t worry, I still think you’re brilliant) it is natural for us to create adaptations when we experience something that feels overwhelming for us. We might decide for example that we are never going to feel that amount of aloneness ever again so we decide for example, we just don’t need anyone and grow to avoid getting close to people…or we might decide that we can never be alone again so we make sure that those around us are always happy with us and become ardent people pleasers or we - the possibilities are as endless as they are genius. Sometimes genius adaptive behaviours we create when we are young, can become stuck and turn out to be maladaptive as we grow older. Adaptive then, maladaptive now.

Relationships can be both fulfilling and challenging, and it’s not uncommon to experience periods of where things feel difficult. Understanding the different phases of love can provide insight into why your relationship might be going through a tough time.